A Year Far from Normal

A year ago this week, lots of things changed. Over the course of a weekend and with little preparation, my kids’ schools moved to remote learning. My boss called to say the office would be closed until future notice. Ski season ended early and abruptly. All matter of plans were canceled or indefinitely delayed. At first, I thought this everything-is-shutting-down phase would last only a couple of weeks, then the whole pandemic thing would blow over, and we’d be back to normal.

Is that the light at the end of the tunnel?

A year later, I’m not sure what “normal” means anymore.

In the first weeks of “isolation,” we did, indeed, feel isolated. I took to doing the grocery shopping only once a week – no swinging into the store on the way home for a gallon of milk or a carton of ice cream, especially since we weren’t going anywhere anyway. I’d drive straight there, then straight home. The only other stop was the gas station if I needed to fill the tank, but I was driving so infrequently that those stops were rare.

For weeks, we hardly saw anyone other than ourselves. We’d occasionally walk over to my parents’ house or stop by my in-laws’ to visit outside. There was a group of five or six college kids who spent a couple of months in the house around the corner after their campus closed, and they’d come through the front field chasing frisbees. Virtual meetings hadn’t become the norm yet, so we only saw other people, even through a screen, maybe once a week or so.

Until April, when two friends who happen to be next door neighbors to each other – my youngest daughter’s pal, and my son’s buddy – had a drive-by birthday party. A line of a dozen or so cars gathered on a side street off their quiet road and waited for the allotted time. Then we drove by their houses slowly, honking like crazy and waving out the windows of our cars. It was so strange. And so wonderful to SEE people, our friends, folks who not so long ago we’d interacted with face-to-face almost daily, even if only in passing.

I hadn’t realized – not fully – how much I missed that interaction. I cried most of the 10 minutes of that ride home, hiding behind my sunglasses so I wouldn’t have to try to explain to my kids something I didn’t quite understand myself. On that drive home, my youngest, who had a daily school check-in with her class, said she wished she could see her friends in real life, not through a computer – or out the window of a moving car. My older daughter lamented the fact that she hadn’t seen any of her friends in weeks, virtually or otherwise. My son said he missed his friends, too.

As summer arrived, we started venturing out more, meeting friends at the river on hot afternoons or for hiking adventures or outside movie nights. It wasn’t quite “normal,” but it was close. I took my kids on their first backpacking outings, and we camped for a few days near the ocean in Maine. I embarked on daily walks through the woods, a habit I continue, in large part to maintain my sanity during these ongoing strange times.

Some of these things – the hiking and backyard fires and gathering outside – probably would have happened over the course of 2020 anyway. But I think I cherished this season – the pandemic summer that came after the spring of so much weirdness – even more than usual. I was so grateful to live where we live, to have woods right out the front door and mountains within sight.

And I’ve been grateful since the end of that summer to have my kids (mostly) back in school. I’m still not used to seeing them walk out the schoolroom door with masks over their faces – and I probably never will be – but I’m so thankful that they are IN school, that those masked faces are with other masked faces. Learning together, rather than in the isolation of a quiet bedroom, looking through a screen.

I’m thankful that educators and coaches and parents and health care providers have figured out how to mitigate the dangers of the virus so that my children can be in school and play sports – even if it looks different. I’m thankful that we have been skiing through the winter. I’m thankful that my work – and my husband’s – has continued through this, even while I’m so, so, so tired of meetings on a screen. I’m thankful that so much of our family lives within a couple of miles of us.

I know we have been fortunate in a year so devastating to so many.

But I miss a lot of things, too. I miss hugging my friends. (So much!) I miss big family dinners, with three generations of McCarthys and McPhauls gathered together, sharing new stories and old. I miss planning trips to other places. I miss talking to people and being able to see their whole faces. I miss collaborating with colleagues through in-person meetings, or just a quick walk across the hallway to someone else’s office space.

I’m tired of reminding my kids to grab a mask on their way out the door – to anywhere. And of checking the state’s Covid map and numbers. Every. Single. Day. I’m tired of worrying every time I feel a tickle in my throat – or when someone sniffles next to me in some public, socially-distanced space.

If the past year has taught me anything, it’s to try to take things, as much as possible, day by day. To not plan too far in advance, at least for now. But that is not my nature. So many times over the last 12 months, I have thought things would be back on the road to “normal” by next week, or next month, or two seasons for now.

Last week, my parents got their second doses of the vaccine. A little girl in the classroom where my mother was substitute teaching asked if that meant she could hug my mom the next time she came in – like she used to. We’re not quite there yet. But I think – really, this time – normal just may be on the horizon.

Original content published by Meghan McCarthy McPhaul. This essay appears as Meghan's March 11, 2021 Close to Home column in the Littleton Record. 

Snow Fix

A few inches of snow. That’s what it took to adjust my attitude toward winter this year. For as long as I can remember, I have loved this season of white – it’s filled with Christmas magic and snowy woods and skiing. But this December, I just wasn’t feeling it.

This year, I held tighter than ever to summer, lamenting its passing in a way I never had. Summer had provided a bit of a respite from the pandemic, as we spent the long days mostly outside and often with friends – hiking and splashing in the river or just sitting together. Here in the more northern realm of New England, it felt as if we were in a germ-free bubble of safety. Autumn arrived with colors as brilliant as ever, but also with the kids returning to school, less opportunity to gather (safely, outdoors) with friends, shorter days and continued uncertainty.

While visions of powder days and wintery wonderlands normally fill my head once the leaves drop from the trees, this winter took shape in my mind as an endless stretch of cold, dark days. Even the thought of skiing didn’t excite me. I couldn’t – and still can’t – picture a ski season without the banter of the coaches’ room in Ernie’s Haus, the young kids I coach sharing candy at snack time, my own kids goofing around with their friends and sitting shoulder-to-shoulder at lunchtime.

Rather than bemoaning the lack of snow, as I would normally do, I reveled in the warm weather that lingered into this strange December, in long walks through the woods, and in the extra time of unexpected free weekends due to a delayed start to the season. It didn’t feel like December or ski season or Christmastime. It felt like endless November, and despite my normal disdain for that month, this year I didn’t mind.

But Saturday afternoon, the steady drizzle turned to snow, and Sunday morning, we woke up to a landscape transformed to white. The tree limbs, long bare of leaves, were sheathed in snow. The mountains were covered. The plows once again prowled the back roads near home.

My son pulled the old toboggan out of the depths of the garage and we trudged through the snow to my folks’ house to visit (outside) and help with the shoveling. After lunch, we rallied some friends and a cousin, and the kids spent a couple of hours tramping up, then sliding down the long hill of my in-laws’ yard.

It was an afternoon of laughter and rosy cheeks and snowballs lobbed at passing sledders. It felt almost normal. It felt good.

Back home, the lights of the recently-trimmed Christmas tree twinkled against the early dusk outside. Our familiar hodgepodge of holiday decorations occupied their regular December spots along windowsills and across the mantle. The skis, hauled out of their summer storage place just the day before, were waxed and ready – for whatever this season will look like.

It still doesn’t feel like all is right in our little piece of the world, and maybe it won’t for some time. Our anticipation of the season is tinged, in this year of 2020, with anxiety. But a little bit of snow went a long way to remind me that I really do love this season – and had me embracing winter again, at last.

Original content published by Meghan McCarthy McPhaul. This essay appears as Meghan's December 10, 2020 Close to Home column in the Littleton Record. 

Summer Strange and Sweet

In some ways, this has been a strange summer. And in others, it seems just as summer should be. The strangeness began with the early closing of school – both the physical school building in mid-March and the release from remote learning at the end of May, two and a half weeks before the originally anticipated last day of school. The kids have been home nearly four months already, which hasn’t happened since before they went to preschool.

For large chunks of that time they have been left on their own to entertain themselves and each other. If necessity is the mother of invention, well, boredom seems to be a good motivator.

With no big trips planned this summer, no fast-moving weeks filled with the happy chaos of cousins visiting from California and Texas and Tennessee, no camps to attend – there are a lot of hours to fill. Some of these are taken up with books or puzzles or board games, others with screens, a few with chores, and some spent around the corner at grandparents’ houses.

The rest is time outside – alone or with each other, roping me in when I am not typing away or meeting-by-zoom in the hot office upstairs. We’ve had a couple of big hiking days, with more anticipated later in the summer. There’s the occasional bike ride. But for the most part, the kids have to find their own fun – or invent it.

For weeks this spring, after the snow had melted from the yard – during that long stretch of time

where we didn’t go anywhere or see anyone outside of our own family – we held daily 2 v. 2 soccer games late in the afternoons. We rotated teammates every other day and argued every call. It was an unwritten part of the daily schedule, a reward for making it through another day of school via Google Classroom.

In the weeks since school has ended, the kids have cycled through several rounds of self-propelled amusement. There’s a rudimentary rope swing hanging from the branch of a maple tree near the edge of the yard, and the skeleton of a fort in another corner. For a while there was an obstacle course climbing and twisting through a series of natural and kid-made structures. They’ve created a disc golf course and three variations of foot golf courses, weaving around gardens and through trees to hit the designated targets. The actual golf clubs have made only one brief appearance.

Only recently have we expanded our pandemic era circle to include a few friends. We hike through the woods toward mountain summits together, or meet at the river in the afternoons, where the kids skip rocks and choreograph synchronized leaps into the water.

Many days, as I make my way through working remotely, the kids make summer plans up as they go along. There is no itinerary, no set agenda, no schedule mapped out by the hour or the day.

But there is hot sunshine and cool, clear water just down the hill. There are bikes in the garage, hiking boots in the mudroom, and flipflops strewn across the front porch. There are trees to climb, friends to meet, towels hung on the line to dry between splashing in the pool and leaping into the river. There are books to read on long, lazy afternoons and fireflies flickering through the tall grass of the field after dark.

While we are missing some of our cherished summer traditions, I think maybe this is how summer should be, even if just this once – completely unmapped, unplanned, unbusy. Strange, perhaps, but sweet, too.

Original content published by Meghan McCarthy McPhaul. This essay appears as Meghan's July 9, 2020 Close to Home column in the Littleton Record. 

Community Strength

On a hot, sunny, beautiful day last week, the kids and I met friends in the early morning at a trailhead. Sunscreen and bug dope applied and backpacks strapped over shoulders, we headed into the woods, following a trail that meandered upwards to the summit of one of New Hampshire’s 4,000-footers. It would have been the 24^th 4,000-footer – the halfway point – for three of the five kids in our posse.

A hike and perspective from another day

We didn’t make it to the top.

 

A bit more than three miles into the White Mountain National Forest, we ran into an emergency on the trail. It wasn’t our emergency, and, so, much of the story is not mine to tell. The day took a turn none of us anticipated, nor would have chosen. As with many things, however, there was a positive take away – for me, it was the coming together of both strangers and familiar faces in a tough moment, and a reminder of the strength of community.

The short story, the part that belongs at least partly to me, is that this was the kind of emergency that included a call to 9-1-1, the administration of first aid none of us had ever had to do before, and a long wait for the search and rescue crew to arrive and take over. There was not a happy ending.

The friends I was hiking with are good ones. We’ve seen each other cry through terrible days, and we’ve laughed together countless times. We’ve vented about a vast array of annoyances, shared parenting advice, and watched as our kids have grown up together. But we’d never been thrown into a situation of literal life and death before this. I’m thankful we were there together – and that if I have to have this story as part of my history, it’s one I share with them.

There were others there with us, too. A solo hiker just behind us jumped in to help. His name is Ryan, and he spent a few harrowing hours with us, with no complaints and with as much good humor as any of us could muster. Two other groups – a trio of college students and a pair of young women – also stopped. Through it all, the 9-1-1 dispatcher was calm and encouraging.

Because we were hiking close to home, we know many of the members of the Pemi Valley Search and Rescue Team who dropped whatever they were doing when the call for help came and rushed toward the trail. We also knew it would take them close to two hours to reach us, no matter how fast they hiked.

One member of PVSART, who also happens to be our children’s elementary school principal, called to talk with me twice en route to the scene, to get information and give support. Another friend and PVSART member unable to respond that day also checked in by phone. When, already exhausted and emotionally drained, I said I wasn’t sure what we should do, she told me, “You just have to do what you think is right.” Clear enough advice for pretty much any situation, and exactly what I needed to hear at that moment.

Although I was not the one who needed rescuing that day, I’ve never been so thankful for the local search and rescue crew. These folks have a strong sense of doing what is right. They do not stumble across emergency situations, as we had, and react. Instead, they dedicate hours of training and effort to the volunteer work of coming to the rescue.

After the trained professionals – and the trained volunteers – arrived, the three of us headed back down the trail. It was a slow descent. Sometimes we talked about what we’d just seen and done, often we were quiet in our own processing of thoughts, occasionally one of us would steer the conversation toward something unrelated, something more cheerful, normal.

As we hiked out, we saw more bright yellow-shirted PVSART members hiking in, some familiar, others unknown. I’ve read a hundred stories about mountain rescue operations, even written a few. But seeing them in real time, sweating through a hot day and moving as quickly as they could to reach a stranger in need of help, was a welcome comfort amid a difficult day.

And then we were down, our statement written out for the Fish and Game officer at the trailhead we’d left hours ago, free to go. We each climbed into our individual cars and drove the short distance homeward solo. But we weren’t quite ready to let each other go. So we gathered the kids and spent another couple of hours together in my friends’ yard. The kids ate ice cream, then ran around chasing chickens and swinging and being kids. The grownups sat with adult beverages and rehashed the day again, from all perspectives, trying to sort it all out.

The principal came to sit with us awhile, to make sure we were ok, the kids were ok. Our phones buzzed with others checking in. It is a small community, after all, and word travels fast. A small community, but a strong one. A good one. 

Original content published by Meghan McCarthy McPhaul. This essay appears as Meghan's June 26, 2020 Close to Home column in the Littleton Record.